hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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