i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize