I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
