I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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