My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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