You smell like stripper and shame
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
