Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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