He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
