Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
