it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
