woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
