toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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