yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
