I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
