didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize