Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
