so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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