His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
