I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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