the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
