In the future we'll all be gay
Four minutes until I can fart!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize