Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
