wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
