dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize