Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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