I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want her autograph on my taint
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
