It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
