i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
