He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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