you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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