Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
