Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
