she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
