I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
