I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize