I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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