Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this hospital has no fireball
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
