Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
