mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
where are my eyebrows?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
