How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The uberlube is also flammable
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
