You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
