and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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