the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
