i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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