Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
