Will you blow on my dice?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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