It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so fucking centered right now
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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