Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
