I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
