Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All the doctor said was why
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
