God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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