i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize