I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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