Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
