your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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