Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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