I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
