Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
