Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hippo gnu deer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
