you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
