There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
