remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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