6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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