He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
