Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
