what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
