yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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