spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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