The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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