Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
