hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
