Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
